For the first time, in what seems like NEVER, Hunter took the super-stubborn road.
Hunter and Ron were playing a game the other evening and Hunter started cheating. Ron called him on it and Hunter refused to say he was sorry, (I think mostly because he was embarrassed that he was caught.) So, Ron sent him to his room.
After awhile Ron went in to talk with Hunter and he still refused to apologize. Now it was my turn to have a chat but he still wouldn't budge. So I gave him 2 choices: I said, "You can do the right thing and say sorry to dad, or you can do the wrong thing and just stay in your room and go to bed." (It was close to his bed time and we were in danger of a major meltdown from Hunter if I forced the issue too hard.)
...He chose to go to bed. (WHAT?!)
Ron and I did not know what to do next. I had scriptures running through my head like "do not let the sun go down on your anger" so it was hard for me to let him make the wrong choice (for now) and leave it at that. Hunter has never dug in his heels like this before, but I just felt like forcing him to make the right choice at this moment would be an insincere, shallow gesture. And I know how I am when I'm tired and it's late at night - I always need a fresh perspective that the morning brings.
Ron and I discussed it and decided we'd hide away all of his new toys he had scattered around the house, that he just received for his 7th birthday a few days prior. We were determined to show him that bad choices had consequences - No yelling or threatening or forcing the issue. We would just wait to see what would happen in the morning...
I was the lucky one who woke first and faced Hunter. Of course, he immediately asked where all of his toys were. I explained that we hid them away and he was not allowed to play with them again unless he apologized to dad.
Hunter immediately became angry. With his eyes tearing up he stomped into his room and slammed the door, but not before poking his head out and shouting, "You're breaking my heart!"
Can you say backfire? This is not how things were supposed to go. Hunter and I both continued to verbally spar (as I force myself to speak in a completely calm and matter-if-fact tone) for the next hour or so. We both held our ground as we waited for Ron - who I was trying to let sleep in - to get up and resolve this mess....
Finally, Ron appeared about 45 minutes later - probably because there was lots of loud talking and door banging from Hunter - so I filled him in on the details of the morning.
Ron grabbed paper and pen and headed into Hunter's room. I didn't catch everything Ron discussed with Hunter, but Ron talked about a circle of "good" and how every time we make a bad decision it takes up space in the circle. Pretty soon the circle is filled up with so much bad that there is no longer any room for the good. There was more discussion between the two that I didn't hear, but before long I heard an apology. Ron came out of Hunter's room and began to fetch the hidden-away toys. Then Hunter appeared in front of me and also offered me a heart-felt apology for being so mean to me.
Before long - like within minutes - Hunter was bright and perky and compliant. I wish I could bounce back so easily from wounded pride!
Did we ultimately do the right thing as parents? Is the whole thing resolved because Ron and I got what we wanted out of Hunter or was a valuable lesson really learned? I can only say it was a hard lesson for ALL us.
